Title is a bit much so let me explain.
The world has all kinds of terrible things that the individual can do basically nothing about. Luckily, for most of us it has no direct impact and we are able to ignore the painful reality. But what if you were in a situation where it did impact you? In a way that is part of your everyday. What if for years you are struggling with the internal conflict of “there is nothing I can do about it” and “I can’t continue like this”?
As for the drugs, I specifically mean weed and specifically for the days where I find it too hard to ignore. I find myself thinking that if I get high I will have an easier time ignoring the pain and doing something good like cleaning or working.
Notes:
- Don’t bother with telling me that even the individual has the power to make great changes, I believe it and I’m doing my best, but I am also aware of the fact that this situation will not be changed in my lifetime probably.
- I’m not suicidal, I don’t harm myself and while I can tell that lately I have been using weed too much, I don’t think I am abusing it. I’m logging my usage and I review it weekly, If it get’s out of hand I will know (I think)
- I’m mostly asking about using external stimulation as a form of escapism
- Yes, I need therapy, sadly it is expensive. Yes I am looking for options.
EDIT: Thanks to all of the replies, I have read them all but I don’t want to respond to all of them. I think this post helped, so thank you!
Having used various drugs over the years, including smoking weed every day for about 15 of them, I strongly believe that you should only use drugs to enhance good times. If you use drugs to stop yourself from feeling, it makes it SO much harder to cope with bad feelings and basically stops you from learning and growing as a person.
If you use any substance to cope, it’s not healthy and will ultimately lead you down a darker path. Unless it’s truly recreational or for experimentation/exploration, stay away from them.
All emotions, even the strongest ones like unbearable grief and loss, need to be felt and processed. Allow them in and don’t repress or run from them. Especially not with the help of mind-altering substances.
I hope this helps.
Isn’t that a bit too broad? We use drugs for so many things in life. People use coffee to get through the day. And yeah it’s not healthy but my point is that there is a spectrum, I don’t think it is a black and white situation.
As for feeling feelings, I believe that we should give our feelings the time and thought needed to properly process them, and I do it. But somethings you are done processing, you accepted the truth and you felt what needed to be felt, but it’s still hard, and as long as this situation is unresolved it will continue to be hard.
Terrible and unchangeable, as in “you’re beyond therapy and have two weeks to live”? No, go ahead and shoot up whatever you like. In other cases, like “I’m out of my job and the government sucks”? Yes, drugs still are a horrible idea.
I call it chasing the dragon. Whether you drink or smoke or whatever. If you decide to part take the problem will be back there waiting for you.
With that said I really miss smoking weed. Last night I imagined puffing a joint and it felt so real. I might go back to smoking weed but at the same time I’m really afraid. I relied on weed and alcohol way too much. They were the darkest nights of my life. Pretty freaking bad. I don’t want to go back there to that misery.
Op, please read this.
A long time ago, I went through this. The details don’t matter so much because our situations aren’t the same. But I fell deep into addiction for a few years because I was dealing with several issues - some of which I’ve always dealt with and will continue to do so, others were temporary.
I still have to face the problems I did before, but now I have the occasional craving. Before, I would lie in bed or sleep if I was going through a depressive episode for a few weeks / months. Now, I want to burn my savings until I black out or can’t remember why I started. Now, I get cravings if I use any kind of nasal spray. Now, I will dream of being high and will have cravings for the rest of the week.
If you can’t change what you’re going through, and you know you’ll be dealing with it in the future, then why would you add more problems for your future self? The drugs I did were amazing until I came down, and they changed me. Some of the changes made me a better person due to the struggles and inconsistent clarity they presented, but some of the changes just made my suffering worse. Drugs will give you relief while you’re high. But all things come to an end, be it the high or your life. Practice safety, use testers, and research everything.
Do you think that addiction is inevitable? Is it impossible to use drugs as a form of emotional pain management while keeping an eye on any possible addictions?
No. As with all things in life, there’s nuance. Your body is different than mine. While I don’t have an inherently addictive physiology, I quickly went from practicing moderation to using everyday, to quite literally never being truly sober. And I stopped myself a few times in the beginning - I knew I was slipping, and I held myself accountable and would be better for a time. Until eventually I forgot or was too apathetic, I can’t remember honestly
Are there signs you would say to look for? Things that should make me stop and re-evaluate?
I would go back and tell myself not to sacrifice certain things just to be high for the day. Don’t change the positive things in your life. You should always know you control a substance, don’t allow the drug to let you think you’re in control. When you start to think you have do something high that you wouldn’t if you were sober (e.g. hanging out with friends, spending the day with family, watching a movie, etc,) then that’s when you’re in very dangerous territory.
Thank you
I say do whatever the fuck you think reasonable.
Sooo… when I took a motorcycle training class, they taught us a life skill that keeps you alive while biking, but at the same time is a valuable life skill outside biking:
SIPDE
- Survey your environment.
- Identify potential problems.
- Predict what will happen.
- Decide what you’re going to do.
- Execute your plan.
For example:
I was riding my bike to work, the rising sun was at my back, and I see a car in front of me with her left turn blinker on.
- Oh, crap, there’s a car.
- No way she sees me with the sun behind me.
- She’s going to pull out in front of me.
- I better put my hands on the brakes now.
- She pulled out in front of me, I hit the brakes which is why I can tell you this story now.
Now, you might not ever be on a motorcycle, so this is an extreme example, but weed interferes with the process that can help keep you safe anywhere and everywhere.
There are many problems and threats in life, intentionally ganking your perception of them may make you feel better, but in the end is not helpful with dealing with them.
But what if nothing helps the situation?
Your approach is great, but if I did the SIP and now I’m stuck. I can’t fix the issue and my ways of making sure it can’t hurt me as much would mean sacrificing too much. So I can’t really do the DE part and I am stuck knowing that I either continue to let it hurt me or I do something that would hurt me in other ways. This is a no-win-situation.
So now I’m essentially treating symptoms, weed helps with that.
You may not be able to help the situation, but your #1 priority is to protect yourself.
Think of it like this, there are a wide variety of things going on right now that are 110% outside our control. How do you best insulate yourself from the worst of it? How can you make it so it impacts you less?
You don’t have to actually solve the problem, all you have to do is make sure you come out the other side with as little emotional/physical/psychological damage as possible.
Maybe that means getting help from other people, which is what you’re doing here. Maybe it means reaching out to your in person support structure. Maybe it means admitting to someone else you need help, which is the hardest damn thing to do.
I don’t have all the answers, all I can say is you need to look out for yourself, and things that make that harder to do (like weed) aren’t your friends.
Thank you, I will reflect on this.
Good luck!
As long as you aren’t harming others I personally don’t see a problem with weed or THC products. We use drugs to numb our pain, I don’t see how numbing our minds to emotional pain is any different or worse.
