Use “social props.” I’m not sure if that’s a real term, but like the colored-hair guy said, it’s about creating an easy conversation starter and giving people “permission” to approach you. An interesting hat, reading a book where people can see the cover / title, a pet or a friend’s pet, doing a hobby like painting (you don’t have to be good at it), comic books, musical instrument, D&D manual, playing dominos…whatever! If someone wants to chat, just give them a small natural conversation starter and frequently look up from it, take breaks, smile; so they know it’s ok to interrupt you. If someone shows interest by a prolonged or repeated glance, just smile and say, “Hey are you into ‘whatever’ too?”

Maybe go on a site like meetup or find local events you are interested in. Go out and do something with strangers: help a charity, go on an organized hike, take a language class, do some volunteering.

Just hanging at the park putting out the vibe likely won’t get you where you want to be.

Get a pirate hat. Wear that pirate hat. If they start the convo, quickly let them know you are on the lookout for more booty.

On a more serious note, other than having something interesting to talk about (dog, coloured hair, pirate hat), be sure to watch the eyes and try to hold eye contact with people who interest you first. We look at things that interest us. But please don’t stare!

Longer than one second is basically a big sign of interest, so maybe crack a smile. IF they are super interested and confident, chances are good that they will approach you.

Good luck, sailor.

Literally wear a name tag.

A guy, that goes by the name of etymology nerd, did this everyday for a month and people approached him more often.

He made a short video explaining why this was the case and how it was an invitation to converse.

chatting someone up is out of the question for me

Some basic life advice for you: focus on things you can control, not on things you can’t. Approach the people you want to interact with. That’s completely under your control. You can’t really control whether other people approach you. Spending your effort on that is a waste.

girls will signal to me that they might be open to having a conversation, but it’s rare that one would directly initiate. the trick for me is recognizing the signals when i see them, and not hanging around for too long especially if it doesn’t look like it’s working out.

Wait, who said gender roles are dead? That’s not a thing. Assuming youre a man, most women that are interested in you (or might be interested in you in the future) will expect you to make the first move. I don’t think that’s the patriarchy at work; most straight women want a man who is confident and assertive and I don’t think there’s anything problematic about that.

Probably the best thing I ever did to get random people to talk to me was growing a big curly handlebar moustache, now complimented with a long bushy beard.

My fashion choices also tend to make me stand out a bit- brightly colored Hawaiian shirts in the warmer months (I have one with pictures of the dog breed I have on it, that gets a lot of people approaching me,) occasionally a kilt (people love to ask about the kilt) interesting sunglasses, hats (used to wear a bowler occasionally, I’m less of a fan of it these days, panama hat in the summer, etc.)

Clothing and style choices are a little tricky. There’s kind of a fine line between wearing something interesting that makes people want to talk to you and coming across as a fedora-wearing neckbeard who’s trying too hard. Those choices have to look good on you, you have to like them and give off a bit of confidence while wearing them, and it has to be something that will catch the attention of the kind of person you want to attract.

And most importantly, you need to be able to carry a conversation from there. That’s the hard part.

Having some story or a joke at the ready is a pretty good crutch to kind of get yourself over that last part. For example my go-to when people come up to me to compliment my beard/moustache is to joke that “I grew it myself” which is usually good for a chuckle, and then the ice is broken, and you can kind of try to steer the conversation from there.

I’ve had a lot of fun conversations with strangers and made a few friends along the way. I never personally had much luck turning that into a romantic relationship, but that was also never something I actively pursued much in general, I just kind of let things go from there and through friends who I met that way I eventually met my wife.

You could try smiling at people, making eye contact. If they quickly turn away, let them go, if they look back at you, you could say “hi”. It’s not exactly letting them come to you, but it’s also not at all aggressive or harassing, it’s just saying “hi”.

If you’ve already noticed something interesting about them, you could mention it. For instance, “those are cool earrings!” or “I love your t-shirt!”, or “What a cute dog! What’s their name?” If you’re insightful and actually noticed something they think is interesting about themselves, they might be inclined to strike up a conversation about it.

Wear a t-shirt that says I’m single you can talk to me.

I’m kidding. Sort of.

Wear a button that says “I’m approachable!”

Do something poorly/dangerous in the gym, attach yourself (politely) to the person who comes to help,

Or do something you’re passionate about and offer your knowledge to people who are earnestly trying their best but not doing it well (be conscience and ask if they’d like your experience to guide them)

Alternatively go hang out at an old folks home, they’d love your company, they’ll regail you with stories from their glory days, and they’ll probably talk you up to their family.

Volunteer your time at animal shelters/public service events.

You seem to be confusing what you want with gender roles. Nobody said that men must make the first move. Many satisfying relationships start because women make the first move. But by consequence of the fact that you want a relationship, it naturally then follows that you’d have to make the first move.

IMO using props is a poor move. Might get your foot in the door, but it’ll be obvious that your interest/commitment to the prop is not genuine. People can tell if you’re acting, so I would ignore any comment that tells you to imagine and act out a scenario - doubly so if you’re using a prop.

The trick is to realize that a cold call almost never works. There is a very low chance that any one person you run into on the street is looking for a relationship, and an even lower chance that they’d be willing to bet on a stranger for that relationship. So you’re facing 2 filters that are lowering your chances that any one person you meet would want to get into a relationship with you.

You can’t affect the first filter, but you can at least change the second filter - just don’t be a stranger. It’s easier said than done, but it’s possible with concerted effort. To put it bluntly: be amicable and be social. Put yourself in situations where you meet people, and befriend them. And you are by far more likely to run into a potential partner from the people you already know than in a public park. I don’t even mean to pretend to be friends - I mean actually be friends. Socializing has a compounding effect where the more you socialize, the more people you get introduced to. That’s also important because of the fact that you can’t affect the first filter. Clearing the first filter is really a numbers game, to simply know a lot of people.

You’ll need to learn to maintain a social circle. Based on what I can tell, you seem to either be an introvert or have social anxiety. And honestly, I understand. I can’t say that the process will be easy or that it’s fair that extroverts have a leg up in the process, but the unfortunate reality is that society is built upon the assumption that people are social, and you have to play by those rules. The upshot is that more people are willing to be in a relationship than you’d think, and you don’t really have to expand your social circle that much or maintain it that well before you come across someone who agrees to be in a relationship with you.

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