If someone left their partner to be with you, they’re capable of leaving you to be with someone new.
if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you
One of my mom’s two best bits of wisdom. The other was I cut, you choose.
My mom would have added:
You never let someone hit you a second time.
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Put your money where you spend your time. Don’t spend money on something if you won’t be using it.
You spend a lot of time sleeping, so get a nice, comfortable mattress. Spend a lot of time on your feet at work? Get durable, comfortable shoes/boots, and maybe some nice insoles so you don’t limp back to your car from pain. Spend a lot of time playing a F2P video game? Go ahead and buy that DLC or cosmetic item to make it more fun, and support the devs to keep the game going.
The list can go on, but before any non-trivial purchase, I ask myself how much time I will spend using it.
I dropped 200 euros on a split ergonomic keyboard and it fixed my shoulder pain from typing excessively.
I push people in wheelchairs for a living. I roughly walk 6-10 miles a day. My shoes are 2-3 years old, and literally falling apart.
And I’ll keep wearing them until a week AFTER they fall apart! I got duct tape!
Uhh, ok, weird flex, but like… why? And you seem so proud of it too…
Good shoes are important. Protect your feet, knees, and back. You’ll thank yourself for it one day.
Tape is fine if you don’t use them all the time, but at least buy some superglue and repair them correctly.
Can confirm on the shoes. Whatever else needs cut back, as long as you can afford rent and food and gas to get to work, buy good quality shoes. Not all expensive shoes are good, but good shoes are not cheap. Second hand good shoes that are your size are very very rare. Upgrading insoles can get you by for a while, but there’s nothing like good quality shoes.
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If you’re falling in love with someone who’s “perfect” you’re probably falling in love with someone who only exists in your head and not the real person. That’s a disservice to everyone involved.
I’ve heard a ‘crush’ being described as an absence of knowledge about the actual person you are fixated on. It reminds me of the story Robert Pattinson told where he took his stalker out to lunch, bitched about his life for an hour, and then never saw her again!
Where the fuck were you 30 years ago??? I was in 8th grade, and I was OBSESSED with (girls name redacted).
14 year old me saw wedding bells, and wild sex nights, and babies, and a house.
40 year old me knows I was just horny, and she was just putting out horny flirty vibes. I don’t even know her favorite food!
yeah same, kinda
From my therapist: In the absence of a crystal ball the best predictor of someone’s future behavior is their past behavior.
Red flags in relationships are serious business and don’t go away. I wish desperately I never got married, and when someone goes to the point of deliberately running over a squirrel to upset you, you’ve really hooked up with a sociopath. If your gut says go, go before you tie your finances to that of a crazy person.
Tell people in your life what they mean to you and that you love them.
Often and always, you never know how much time you have together.Call your mom, dad, your grandparents, spend time with your kids, with your nieces and nephew. Tell them all, that you are proud of them or grateful for them and that you love them.
We always think we have all the time in the world to spend with family and people we love. But if one of their lives is cut short, you might regret it forever!
Also, after breaking with my parents, and telling my kids I love them, I realized how very rare it was for my father to tell me he loves me. So, tell people what they mean to you and that you love them because it might not seem like much at the moment, but it means a lot in the long run.
If you’re going to “chase your dreams,” it might be a good idea to first figure out whether they actually really are yours.
Also research the downside first. Some “dream jobs” are marketed that way for a reason.
I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
I’m just going to ask where they’re goin’ and hook up with em later.
This is the way.
Now I wonder if I even have dreams… Damn
Brush teeth 3x day, floss 2x day, checkup 2x year
It really helps later. Like life altering
Yep. Look after your teeth folks.
You only have to brush x2 daily and floss once daily for the teeth you want to keep lol
Do NOT invite anyone into your home that you do not know. And do NOT save someone from eviction and have them live with you if you only barely know them.
I just went through six months of hell with two freeloading pieces of shit who never cleaned up after themselves and almost never lifted a finger to help in the house — all while getting free room and board, free food, etc.
My kid happened to be friends with a kid whose 64 year old mother (kid was adopted) got evicted and we knew them in passing for a good decade. We were the ONLY ones to help, despite them being a part of a church with hundreds of people.
I now know exactly why no one helped them, and know exactly why they were evicted.
Just don’t do it. It’s not worth the stress and the money.
Holy shit, are you me? We’re going through the same thing. A not close friend of mine got evicted so his landlord could renovate his apartment and he has been living with us for six months now, for free. He stays in his room and plays video games all day, every day. He has no job. He subsists on dry cereal unless we feed him. He barely interacts with us. He doesn’t do anything to help with chores, instead agreeing to assist and then just “forgetting”. He sleeps from 6 am to 2 pm and is up all fucking night. We only know if he’s awake because we can hear him playing games.
We told him two months ago that he needs to leave by now but he still has no job and no prospects. My wife, him, and I are in our fifties. We have a 55 year old child.
That sounds so familiar except this was a 64 year old woman and her 16 year old adopted daughter. The mother stayed in the room we provided, with a king sized bed, an Amazon echo, a Roku flat panel 55” TV and only left to eat ramen (that was her “cereal”), poop, and take her daughter wherever she needed to go.
People are selfish assholes. Period. And I will never again waste my money or time or stress or effort or anything on anyone that I don’t know extremely well.
I’m sorry you are also going through this. If you notified by official letter to get out of your house by a specific date, according to your laws, (and have him sign it), then you are within your rights (at least in the US in every state), typically, to have the county sheriff remove them.
My state requires 60 days notice, so on July 1, we gave these freeloaders official notice to vacate by 5pm on Aug 30. They finally left yesterday. They didn’t clean anything. They didn’t even sit down and show any appreciation. And they have the gall to ask for a things they left behind after rushing to pack and leave yesterday.
I basically told the mom to go fuck herself in many words. They wasted $5000 of our money over this time, and even their religion they hold so dear didn’t force them to be good people and do the right things.
(Shouting this to everyone who would listen…) NEVER take anyone in. Unless it’s family you trust or a really, really good friend that you’ve known for a long time.
We’re not in the US and, where we live, to file for eviction we must take this to court for a judge to validate the reason for eviction. Typical eviction times range between 3-9 months. We’re going to try being such terrible flatmates that he decides to leave. No more free food or access to our toiletries. We’ll be blasting our music all day. I’m growing several konjac plants which produce flowers that smell like rotting meat.
If this doesn’t work, then we’ll take the legal route.
Ouch, I’m sorry it’s that difficult. Yet another reason to never take in anyone, if living in a country that has such laws that make it that difficult to remove freeloaders and squatters.
I don’t want to be that kind of a-hole. I had the best of intentions at the start of this. But there comes a moment when after being screwed so much, it’s time to put an end to it.
Good luck to you!!
Thanks! It’s annoying now but we’ll laugh about it someday. I’m glad your squatters are gone, it gives me hope.
I’ll toast a drink to us both!
if you start now, it will be over quick. best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago and all that. start the paperwork, move forward.
That’s a really good point and I can’t disagree. Worst case, our annoyance tactics fail and we have the court proceedings already in motion. You’re totally right.
Could also try bribing them. My brother owned a condo for a bit, until he got frustrated with bad tenants. When he needed one to leave, he found bribing them the best answer, even with very little tenant protection where he lives. If you start eviction proceedings, now you have a pissed off tenant in your property who can do any amount of damage that will be expensive to repair. Instead, he’d say “I’ll give you $200 to be out next weekend” and it worked pretty well while being cheaper than legal proceedings
That’s also a great idea. We could offer him the likely cost of legal proceedings. Ugh. Never again.
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Seconded.
I had a mate who didn’t speak with his parents, lost his job and left his partner.
Took him in, rent free for 6 months. Got him on his feet, he got a new job and 6 months later he left… With my 10 year relationship. And my cat (but to be fair my ex was a vet so it made sense that she took him)
I thought he was a friend.
How nice of him, he took the trash out as he left.
Wow.
I had a similar experience, took a friend in for about a year after he lost his job. He just spiraled deeper into depression, I burned a ton of social capital trying to get him out of the house to make friends. He spray painted things on my patio without putting down a drop cloth, broke things inside the house, constantly complained about how crappy or small my house was, while never paying a penny towards it. He was just constantly grumpy and rude, and was completely shocked when I asked him to move out. He kept saying how it was good for him to live with me and just couldn’t conceive that it was awful for me.
Classic selfish narcissism. It feels a tad better knowing I’m not the only one to have dealt with people like that, but it pains me that you and others, who have been as selfless and giving, are treated just as poorly as my family and house was.
If you have to force it, you’re going to break it.
Or in my case, tear it.
Was it your butthole?
Never start a machined bolt/nut with your electric drill. Start it by hand first.
care to elaborate?
my assumption is a machined bolt is not as tempered as a store purchased one so using an electric tool on it could strip the head.
Using a hand tool applies less torque so you are less likely to strip it.“Machined” doesn’t mean “homemade”, it’s a manufacturing method meaning that the threads of the bolt/nut were cut from a smooth piece of metal (as opposed to being cast or forged from a mold). Machined hardware is more likely to have defects like tiny nicks in the threads or bent threads that can damage/ destroy whatever you’re using it to fasten. You can usually tell pretty quickly if you’ve got a shitty bolt or nut if you’re threading it by hand - any irregularities are easy to feel. But if you just blast it with a power drill right off the rip, you won’t feel any of it, and might end up with an unplanned permanent fixture.
But can I strip…myself??? I WANNA BE NAKED!!!
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You can offer help, but do not take action until the person you are helping has actually asked. This is of course talking about “real help” not helping someone pick up a book they dropped.
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It takes a modicum of selfishness to live a healthy life.
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You CANNOT fool yourself, the sooner you work within your reality the better it will be for you and everyone around you
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Don’t get married unless you are 10,000% sure. People invariably get sick of each other over time. It can feel like a prison sentence. Real life is not the movies.
“Relationships take work”. Yes. Absolutely. But would you buy a car that costs $50k or more to dispose of after it’s broken down and unrepairable?
It feels more like a deployment. There are mission objectives and your team is okay most of the time, but your time is never your own.
check where your retirement and savings are invested. buy a low cost index fund (fidelity and vanguard have great ones).
do not invest in any funds that have high fees. (there are plenty of good funds with fees around 0.1%)
I split my savings between:
- total domestic stock index
- total international stock index
- cash/money market/bonds
- a small amount in a sector fund with higher growth potential (e. g. tech) or risky investments
I’ve spent too much money on “stuff”. It’s just “stuff”. Experiences last longer.
