I’m a 27 year old single mother and I have a 12 year old son. Recently he’s been knocking on my door in the middle of the night because he can’t sleep and he asks to sleep with me. I’ve been letting him since neither of us really have a problem with it and it’s kind of nice not having to sleep alone every night. However, I’ve heard and seen some things online that seem controversial about co-sleeping with a child past a certain age. I definitely don’t want to negatively affect his development, so I guess what are your thoughts?
I feel like you might be over-thinking this. If it’s a recent thing then it’s most likely just a phase and he’ll grow out of it when puberty kicks in. One my best friends has an 11 yo and a 4 yo and they both end up in their parent’s bed pretty much every night. There is nothing weird or unusual about a child sleeping in the same bed as their parent/s, no matter what internet hacks try to tell you.
Why do you think he is asking to sleep with you? I know you said it’s because he “can’t sleep”, but you can also just not be able to sleep in your own bed.
When I was a child (and even sometimes as an adult), I would get scared at night. Yeah every 2 year old gets scared at night, but I’m not talking about age 2. I did it my entire childhood…even when I got to be a much older child. I’m talking as old your son and then even older. When I would get scared at night, I would go into my sibling’s room at night and sleep on the floor. It happened frequently. I did eventually “grow out of it” as another user stated and did it less frequently as I got older.
It might be embarrassing for him to talk about and he might not want to admit it, but do you think it could be something like this?
I’m 30 now and thankfully don’t have those problems much anymore (and I live alone so there is no one to sleep with lol).
He tells me he gets scared at night as well. He also has diagnosed hyperactive ADHD which might make him restless at night.
Might consider trying a weighted blanket
can confirm. I sleep way better in winter because of the heavy blankets vs in summer where it’s just a sheet.
Ok yeah I suspected a bit as much about the scared thing. Honestly I’m not sure what sort of advice to give to help out for that sort of thing. I never told anyone that I got scared at night…just lived with it until it eventually went away.
For me, personally, something like a weighted blanket would not have helped with me being scared, but yeah might help with the ADHD and restlessness part like the others stated. Dunno.
A quick Google search leads me to find out that this is incredibly common even in kids at the age I was and the age your son is. So at least what is happening isn’t overly concerning as something abnormal if that at all helps.
If it’s not causing any issues, don’t worry about it. If it seems to be causing a dependency or increased anxiety around sleeping alone, then maybe it’s not a good idea. There doesn’t seem to be any consensus among psychologists. Some like it, some hate it. So the best you’re going to be able to do is keep track of how it affects you both and change things up if it becomes a problem.
I don’t think it’ll affect him negatively. It will be good to know why he wants to sleep in your room, so you can know if it’s something you need to fix. If it starts to get uncomfortable you could let him sleep then take him to his room once his asleep (provided he’s not too heavy).
My parent spidey senses are tingling. Besides the ADHD, is there anything else happening in his life? Major life change (changing school; new friends, etc)? He may not feel comfortable vocalizing yet if there is in fact something affecting him
Now that you say this, I had a talk recently with him about me wanting to date again and the possibility of a stepdad
Bingo
I mean, I’m assuming your kid knows he’s going to be a teenager soon and what that means. You can just talk to him about it like a person.
They’re too old for that.
Find a way for them to sleep on their own, you’ll need to say no and mean it. No matter the waterworks that may follow.
