Expected by whom, society? Who cares? You do you, if you don’t want to drink then a polite ‘no thanks I’d rather get coffee’ or whatever is all you need. Anyone who tries to pressure you into drinking after that is an asshole, and why do you care what assholes think?

There will be plenty of time as you get to know a person later on that you can meet at a bar for a drink which isn’t and shouldn’t be a big deal.

You can get to first know the person as is with a coffee. Coffee or tea doesnt change a personality. Alcohol can.

If they can’t handle just going for a coffee and get all weirdly defensive about you not having a drink that it’s a red flag.

Alcohol can mask if they are an alcoholic on your first meet. And if they are insistent about getting alcohol as a first meet and make it a big deal like it’s their ‘everything’ that is telling you they are likely an alcoholic. That’s how addicts are about the thing they are addicted to.

Red flags aren’t something you accommodate. It’s something you take as a warning sign.

It’s common, but not expected in the sense that most potential partners would be put off by your choice not to drink. If a date pressures you to drink when you don’t want to, that’s a red flag. Maybe propose something other than a bar if you don’t want to drink.

Why drink if you’re gonna drive?

A large number of people, perhaps even a majority think that it’s perfectly fine to drive after light drinking. The bar industry in the USA has tried to push a narrative that it’s mainly severely impaired drivers who cause crashes and the current DUI thresholds are too low. I used to think that until I went looking for research to back it up and found that there’s a pretty linear response in terms of driving worse as BAC increases. Driving is dangerous enough without any impairment.

As an American in his mid 40s, I can say that I’ve never once had alcohol on a first date

Always depends upon the setting and people involved.

Your traditional romantic dinner is almost certainly going to involve wine. (In a stereotypical western culture setting)

My dates have typically been in a more casual environment. Being invited to parties (alcohol or more), movie theaters (typical movie house snacks), Beach (cooler of water bottles, pop, light snacks, or whatever is available there)

DO NOT push your date to drink or do anything they aren’t comfortable with.

Informed consent is key.

We are all people trying to make it on this blue marble. Don’t leave it worse than how you found it.

Don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. Don’t listen to people giving dating advice.

even as a drinker, i did not drink alcohol on any date.

if your date simply needs alcohol, that tells you something you should probably know.

The answer to this is the same as the answer to most social situations: It depends.

Do you drink now? If not, a first date is probably not the best time to try it out for the first time. If you do drink, but tend to overdo it, pay mind to keep it under control.

Does your date drink? If not, they may not feel comfortable in a bar or other alcohol-centric location.

Do what works for both of you, not what other people enjoy. Choose a location or activity that matches your interests! And, if you suggest something that aligns with what you know about your date, you’re going to score bonus points! If they are outdoorsy, suggest a hike. They like craft beer, suggest a brewery. If they are a gamer, maybe a board game lounge. Anything can be a great first date as long as you both enjoy your time together!

The rule is to do what you’re both comfortable with, and see if those things match up. If you’re not up for drinking, then don’t. And recognize that social drinking might be more important to the person you’re interested in.

I just drink tea when I go to a bar and need to drive, no one has ever commented about it

Media has taught us that a first date involves drinking in a bar or restaurant, in part because of movie shorthand. (Dinner and drinks is a date, forget the rest of the evening, we just set the stage to imply the rest.)

As many others have said, your normal is your normal. Don’t let society or Hollywood pressure you into dating ‘their way’.

I met my wife on a date at a coffeehouse near here house. We then went to a pizza place across the street. No alcohol involved, but I did bring a board game into the restaurant with us.

It varies widely depending on the people and all of the stereotypes about dating exist people enough people promote it, but zero of them work for everyone.

Movies were a popular first date too, but not everyone likes going to the movies. Too many people, too loud, and a large number of people just don’t like watching movies.

Not everyone wants to go out to dinner because of hangups about their own eating habits.

Not everyone wants to go out for a walk at a park. They could have physical issues or allergies or something else that they don’t want to be the focus of a first date.

Not everyone drinks or wants to drink on a first date. But a lot of people also have one or maybe two drinks, not to get drunk but because they find it relaxing. Most people would see getting drunk as a bad sign unless they see it as a sign of a fellow alcoholic. In fact, the only people I can think of that would want their date to get drunk are sex pests.

I like to have a drink or two but wouldn’t say dates go smoother with a drink. It depends on the people and the location.

Dinner at a nice place, sure, one or two alcoholic drinks with dinner is common but absolutely not necessary. Going to a coffee shop or some other cafe type place for lunch, I wouldn’t drink alcohol in a situation like that. You could do a more active date, like hike or go to a local museum or zoo. Some people like to get a drink after a hike but again it’s not necessary to drink alcohol.

I always liked to do the more active date and then maybe a meal after and sometimes that meal will involve alcohol but I live in a bigger city so I can get a taxi or ride share if I need it.

Absolutely no alcohol on the first date. To me it is a red flag and we probably won’t see each other again.

I am here to see if there is any spark or if I can even stand you in person and vice versa. Alcohol doesn’t help with that and it shows me you probably have a drinking problem.

These kind of things are those you should be picky about when dating. I had to learn this the hard way with two psycho exes in a row. Say no, take your time with the candidates and choose while sober.