Have a cousin with a Budweiser logo on her lower back ala “tramp stamp”.

Honestly, I think it’s cringe to have any logo or IP on your body.

I have a distant relative with a traffic light tattooed in the middle of his forehead, just a black rectangle with red, yellow, and green circles.

And on either side he has some graffiti style writing that I’m pretty sure says “con man”

I became aware of him because we share a fairly uncommon last name, and one day police came to my house grasping at straws looking for this guy because he had been breaking into cars, so the basically went to the first person with the same last name they could find to see if we knew where he was.

It was the first time I’d heard of him, we’re not at all close with the extended family. Eventually I looked him up and found his social media with those stupid tattoos.

In my late teens, maybe 20 I worked in a restaurant and got invited to a party after work in a very rough part of town. So rough that the taxi driver wouldn’t let us get out until we found the exact address (this would have been mid nineties so well before GPS nav was popular).

Anyway we get there. Folks are nice. Maybe ten in total plus the 4 of us from work. They’re rough around the edges but generally salt of the earth characters which I love so it’s all going well. Get chatting to one lad and he shows me his new tattoo on his forearm that his friend had done for him.

It was a palm tree on a tiny desert island with a dude sitting against the tree smoking a massive joint.

Now this monstrosity was one colour, all outlines, looked like it was done with a compass from your school pencil case and my 11 year old would have done a better job. It’s very difficult to describe just how shite it was.

Felt really sorry for the lad. He was definitely going to regret it if he didn’t already. Never forgot that tattoo though.

I mean, there’s definitely gonna be worse out there, but I once saw a tattoo on an online post, of presumably their date of birth in roman numerals.
Problem is, there was only one “M”, so it looked something like: IV/X/MCXCIV

But I figured, alright, let’s not assume things, maybe they’re a history buff and something cool happened on that day in 1194.
But if I remember correctly, I found some list of all Wikipedia articles for specific dates and that day did not have an article, because nothing noteworthy had happened.

So, yeah, I guess we do have to assume that they are in fact a vampire.

This is hardly the dumbest one originally but I worked construction in high school and college. One old dude had gotten “RESPECT” tattooed on his abs in his youth. By the time I met him, he had a beer belly and had had some injuries and surgeries. It was just a completely different font/message.

By contrast, the best tattoo I’ve seen is a friend who is a musician. She has musical notes tattooed behind her ears. You wouldn’t even know if she did her hair a certain way (for a job interview or something) but when she was ready to party, the musical notes were on display.

I also knew a guy who was an artist who had an amazing sleeve. He obviously cared about the artistic aspect; he literally flew to Japan multiple times to have it done because he cared that much about being a canvas for the specific artist he chose. That was the most impressive. I like the subtlety of the music notes but I’m not against going all out. It’s really the middle-ground — like a drunk tattoo that meant something at the time — where people regret it later.

I’m getting Elmer Fudd on my ass this Monday, so, um, that.

My tattoo is very well designed, but it is a lotus flower with the Om symbol in it because at the time I was practicing a lot of yoga, and I didn’t realize it looks kind of… culturally foolish, shall we say, especially now that I live in a city with a lot of South Asian folks, and some have asked me about it, I am white as the driven snow. I did not intend it in any cultural appropriation way and it isn’t offensive or anything, they all seem to like it, but it was a bit thoughtless ultimately.

I came across a Twitch streamer with his username tattooed across his knuckles in Norse Runes, except it was spelled wrong. He had ᚦ (Th) in place of ᚲ (K or C) which is far from similar in pronunciation. A quick Google search of the wiki page for Norse Runes could have avoided this issue too.

Mr. Cool ICE 💀

Not “THE” dumbest, but my older half-sister got a breakup tattoo that said “you’re loss” a couple of years ago… I don’t understand how neither she nor her tattooist took 5 seconds to look up the spelling. And getting a breakup tattoo in the first place is dumb enough.

Girl I know has a slice of drippy cheese pizza on her arm. Can’t even really give a reason for it.

My brother got Loser down one of his sideburns. Everybody uses it against him every once in a while.

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A huge 3 leaf clover on the side of a dude’s neck, solid filled in green of course. Not to mention the other random tattoos on his face and stuff, but seriously, a 3 leaf clover? Why not a 4 leaf?..