I have two great parents

My best friend has one, with the other one being an violent alcoholic

My SO has a brain damaged (literally) father and a hyper conspirational spiritual mother.

The more I learn about everyone else’s parents the more thankful I get

My parents are absolutely fantastic, they will always listen, do anything possible to help me in any way, and only ever think of what’s best for their kids.

They are calm, considerate, reasonable, smart, loving, and a great team.

I will never meet anybody else as fantastic human beings as them.

I can’t imagine having parents that are awful people, that must be such a terrible burden and impediment to healthy growth for a child :-(

Mine are self-absorbed narcissists, so no. However what I really wanted to share is this book I read recently that was eye-opening to say the least (someone on Lemmy recommended it in another post):

“Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents,” by Lindsay Gibson.

Good luck out there.

This thread is kind of depressing to read. What a privilege it is to have supportive parents.

Makes me realize that I shouldn’t put off having a quality phone call with my parents so much. There will always be more work, but there won’t always be more quality time with them.

Not anymore. I dunno exactly when it happened but after I left for uni I no longer see eye to eye with my folks.

They raised me and I feel they did a good job: respect others, be kind, help people, everyone is equal. All the good stuff.

Nowadays though my dad has gone hard into conspiracy theories proper tinfoil hat stuff, moon landings fake, vaccines cause autism and have microchips, fluorinated water causes something, COVID was a Chinese plot or fake or just flu (despite half his kids working in healthcare and telling him first hand experiences). He’s gone proper racist Britain for the British bullshit, hates immigrants and anyone not white. He’s dragging my mum into it as well but she’s not exactly innocent in her views either. I’m glad they live at the other end of the country now so I can choose how much I see them, holidays used to involve staying with my parents but now we camp kinda close and just have a meal out together a couple times.

I struggled a lot with coming to terms with the huge change, our relationship used to be fantastic especially with my mum, could talk for hours about anything. Now we have a very very narrow range of safe topics and I have to say no I’m not talking about that with you quite regularly.

I even debated cutting contact because of some of the horrible stuff my dad was posting online, fortunately he’s stopped that and now just consumes the hate instead of tagging me in it. I decided that I wanted to keep my parents in my life but set some firm boundaries and just don’t engage with any of the delusions.

My dad was like that, he was my safe person and would always celebrate my success, had wise advice and truly cared for my wellbeing. When I became a parent, many things from the way he taught me were passed on to my own kid. Then he died. That was ten years ago and I miss him everyday.

My mom was abusive all through me and my sibling’s upbringing, she stills is, mind you but I am very low contact/ on the brink of no contact now. As a mother myself, I have done the exact opposite of what she did to me so my kid is treated with respect, compassion, genuinecuriosity about their interests, acceptance and grace. They will not know what not being loved or unwanted feels like.

Mine are excellent listeners. They just can’t respond anymore though.

I had a good relationship with my dad, but he passed when I was 21. I’ve now been alive longer without a father than with one. He had major faults: racist, homophobic, and started going Baptist when he got cancer. If he had survived it, I think that downfall would have progressed and he’d be a fucking Maggot by now. I don’t think he’d get along well with his pansexual son, bisexual DIL and transgender grandkids. So, and this is not a good feeling, I’m a little appreciative of the fact the relationship ended when it was still good. But I’m haunted by what it would have been like if he survived. Like I said, we had a really good relationship. He taught me all kinds of outdoorsman skills, taught me how to keep family close, and how to honor my word. I don’t know if I could have handled if he survived and continued along that path.

My mom always lived for herself and was abusive. I still flinch when someone touches my face because she hit us so much. I cut ties on my wedding day almost 10 years ago and am much happier and healthier.

They both taught me how not to parent and as long as I keep in mind how their words and actions made me feel, I know how to be a good dad to my kids. I’m not going to say they did me a favor there, but I do rely on that lesson to guide me.

I wish, but no. I do have someone to fill that role though.

My dad softened a lot lately, seeing his parents go made him realize how important the relationship with his own children is.
On my mum’s side, I’m afraid she will always be tone deaf and self absorbed, but I learned not to resent her for that

My parents place too much emphasis on what other people think for me to be transparent with them. Everyone but my parents know I’m gay. I seriously think they would shatter if they knew the real me.

My parents are dead.

I have amazing and fairly intelligent parents I can always talk to, but their level of cognitive dissonance on some subjects is absolutely insane so I know what to avoid talking about or responding to.

I have one bio parent I can do that with, and I know I’m privileged to have that. To be able to confide, ask questions, seek advice, break down, or even just play cards together provides a certain level of mental safety I didn’t experience otherwise.

I only hope I can provide even a fraction of that to others; everybody deserves safe people.

I must admit I’m one of the few who can recognize both his parents in this description. Both with their flaws and icks but they are wonderful human beings who have grown me in the man I am today and still remain a reference point to go back to when things get dire or difficult.

I hope everyone or at least a vast majority of people will experience this is a near future; be the best versions of yourselves, if not for you do it for your children!!!