all my friends are either dead or my enemies

A girl that stopped me on the street to ask directions concluded the exchange with “Thank you sir.”

Also, the waiters now automatically bring the bill to me when I have lunch with coworkers.

Lots of things like grey hair, moving more slowly, injuries that I would have bounced away from before instead hurting for weeks or months.

But the one that hit hardest was a breakup I had a little while back. She was the love of my life and I fully intended to marry her, and when she ended it out of nowhere I was sad, but fine. She dumped me, and it sucked, but I also needed to finish a staff report for a Planning and Zoning Commission meeting that night. So I moved on.

The thing that upset me most was that I wasn’t that upset. There was a time in my life when I would have been a mess. But as I’ve aged, my emotions have become more regulated.

I miss being capable of that level of joy and pain.

I don’t feel happy

Male pattern baldness sucks, esp as a trans girl

Injuries take longer to heal and recovery from the gym is slower

Hangovers now take two days

Skin dries out much faster (though this might be due to E)

Nobody mistakes me for a teenager anymore.

Kids call me “lady”

I want to go to bed at 9 PM

I get excited for new appliances

You don’t feel older mentally, but your body starts to betray you. I don’t mean stuff like your legs aching after getting up when sitting on the floor, or getting tired easier; it’s the subtle things that really are irritating. Like taking longer to learn something. Getting fatter even though you don’t really think your diet is bad. Taking longer to find that word you can’t think of or the name of that person, movie, place, whatever.

The irritations that add up are the ones that you don’t really expect, not just the ones you do like needing glasses.

Then there’s “time.” Fucking day goes too quick. Used to be you felt like you could get all kinds of shit done in a day. Now? Run two errands and half the day is gone. Wtf.

Also, “lasts”.

You start to realize that there are things approaching that are the last time you’ll see or do something. The last time you visit where you grew up. Last time your kid lived at home. Last car you’ll ever own.

Yeah, the lasts suck.

It takes exponentially longer to heal from physical injury. That’s it so far, except for feeling calmer - older people are exceptional at emotional regulation, which oddly enough is why they are easier to scam, they don’t freak out as quickly.

But mostly it’s the slow healing. I am still strong and flexible but have to be careful and moderate because getting hurt will set me back much more than it used to.

My mom once made plans to come up here (she lived near Miami) to see Tab Benoit with some of her friends - by the day of the concert two of them were dead! She said “if you want to see your friend when you are old, go see them, don’t make plans.”

diminished eyesight, especially at night.

oh, and of course, making some references that some of the youngsters don’t understand.

(also, using the term “youngsters”)

• At 30 you reach the peak.
• At 40 you start to have small health problems that don’t go away and are mostly annoyance.
• At 50 you seek help because it’s more than annoyance. You get your first permanent medication.
• At 60 it’s somewhat limiting and for the first time causing Intermediate pain.
• At 70 it’s debilitating and pain is a familiar companion. You might have your first seizures.
• At 80 if it hasn’t killed you yet, it soon will. You are probably an invalid or close to it.
• At 90 if you are still hanging on, you are waiting for death and welcoming it.

That’s pretty much it, ±10 years.

The realization that I may never live to see capitalism collapse

At age 30, I noticed I couldn’t skimp on sleep anymore and hangovers were much worse than in my 20’s.

In my mid-30’s my eyesight started to blur and I had to start wearing glasses.

At 40, my digestion isn’t as good as it used to be and I take supplements. Also, it’s harder to memorize things now, and I no longer have the option of missing workouts or daily stretching, because I notice it much more if I haven’t done these things.

The clothing styles I wore in middle school are cool now, except those damn low rise flares will not work on me at 40 because my mid-section would flab out everywhere. Damn kids.

My shoulder still hurts from last week when I slept funny.

The idea of staying out past 10pm sounds terrible.

I almost set up a breakfast date with a friend for 7am.

I’m really excited for a larger capacity water heater.

I’m starting to do that thing where I look down to focus on small text right in front of me.

Past 25 I started to realise I couldn’t remember everything that everyone had said to me. This was also around the time I developed a social life, so it could just be that my brain had more to manage socially.

Past 30, I stopped caring about appearances so much and started working on developing mental skills. I was able to defend my beliefs better, make more on-the-spur jokes.

Past 35, I no longer care about anything. I have bouts where I’m in interested in building things, or conversing. But now? Eh, work/sleep is enough.

Driving at night just sucks.